Sunday, November 24, 2013

A Full Heart

       As I sit here tonight and write, I cannot help but to have a full heart. My heart is full of happiness, love, friends, babies, lots and lots of babies, but most of all assurance. My heart is full of all things that make me sit back and say, "things are going exactly the way they are suppose to". We all have those days that we question ourselves, we question our ability as a mother, as a spouse, as a daughter, and even as a friend, but when my heart feels as happy as it does tonight, 
I feel assured that I am doing something right.

       I have been thinking a lot lately about friends and why friendships change so much once babies come along. It is a very bitter sweet situation. I have friends that have been in my life for close to 16 years and we still talk on a weekly basis. Elliana knows and loves these friends, and friendships like those are the ones that I want my Ellie girl to grow up knowing exist. 

       My mama friends. My mama tribe. My everyday, go to girls. Literally everyday. We have running text messages that make Nick laugh every time he hears my text beep go off 30 times in 5 minutes. He knows who I am talking to and doesn't even ask what we are talking about. He knows it has something to do with birthing, breastfeeding, how many times our kids have pooped that day, or funny things our kids said or did that day. This relationship is something that was fast growing and becomes more and more tight knit everyday. We get each other. We understand that what works for my family might not work for theirs, we understand that we all do certain things to calm our babies, or say certain things that the other one might not, but the most amazing thing about these mamas, is that it doesn't matter how much we do things the same of how differently we may be raising our families, we don't feel the need to judge each other. 

       I feel like that is one of the hardest parts about becoming a mother, dealing with harsh words from other mothers, from people who don't have kids. family, or pre-baby friends. It's like a jungle full of mama bears all roaring to protect their young, except that's not how it has to be. Whether you breastfeed and I bottle feed, whats the most important thing? The fact that our babies are fed. Whether you bed-share and I put my baby in a crib, our babies are well rested. You had a hospital birth and I had a home birth, our babies are healthy and happy so who cares how they came into this crazy beautiful world. We both love our babies and are raising them to be stand up humans of society. We are doing this the best way we know how to, and that in itself makes us 
incredible mothers

       Whether friendships began years and years ago or they started once you began having babies, cherish them. Even if you don't talk to those certain friends near as often as you'd like, or don't have much of a relationship anymore, realize that you were friends at one time and that friendship shaped the person you have become today. Whether it taught you how to let go or how to love, it taught you something. Everyone has come into my life at exactly the right moment, and the same has happened with people leaving my life. There are certain friends that were "pre-baby friends" but that doesn't mean I love them any less, it just means that they no longer fit into my mama puzzle. Life is short so surround yourself with people who you enjoy being around and who make you a better version of yourself, a more patient mother, a more loving spouse, and a more creative you. 


Friday, November 8, 2013

15 Glorious Months

       As I sit and stare at my beautiful baby sleeping, I cannot wrap my head around the fact that she is 15 months old today. I look at her on a daily basis and I am mesmerized by the beautiful little rascal she is becoming. She is so observant and interested in everything we do and it makes my heart so happy to know that she is learning by watching Nick and I ! To know that we are not only responsible for her health and well being daily, but responsible for the young lady and woman she will one day become. 

                I sit and wonder, who will she be...will she love sports? will she love make up? will she want to be a scientist? a famous movie star? what will she dream of?! All of this runs through my head and all I can think about is how much I want her to enjoy life. I wish upon all the stars that she is obsessed with learning. That she laughs everyday. That she loves herself. That she finds happiness in everything she does, and she never lets her dreams fade

      I am so beyond blessed by the life I have been given! To be given a life where I can enjoy watching this little human grow and learn every single day just makes me think about how this is all I ever wanted. I have always wanted to be a mommy. My earliest memories were carrying around a baby doll all day everyday and it didn't take long to master the baby on my hip carry. Whenever babies were around I was happy. Now I wake up with my own little girl staring in my eyes and needing me, such bliss.

      I cannot thank Nicholas enough for working so hard and allowing me to stay home and be the mommy I've always dreamed of being. To be able to sit at home and watch her grow, dream with her, & explore with her, so priceless. 15 months of motherhood has been the greatest time of my life and I am so excited about the next few months. She is growing like crazy, talking up a storm, running everywhere, nursing like a champ and laughing at everything! Clearly I am loving this age and I know it's only going to get better! 

Enjoy every minute mamas, it's goes too fast!


Tuesday, October 29, 2013

No More Sick Days!

       If you knew me before I had Elliana, you would know that I was a big ol' whiny baby! When I was sick, I needed my mama! When it was that time of the month, I stayed home from school because my cramps were TOOOO bad to move. If I stubbed my toe, you would hear about it for a month and so on and so forth! 

Man how things have changed! 

       When I first told my mom I wanted to do a home birth she laughed because she knew how I was, and she was convinced I wouldn't last through a natural labor. Everything changed once I set my mind to it! As most of you know I WAS able to birth Elliana naturally at home, and it was the greatest accomplishment I have ever experienced! Since that day, complaining in pain is almost non existent from me. I know that if I could handle 31 hours of labor with no drugs, then complaining of a little cold is not allowed in my mind.
       This little cold is what we have been dealing with for the past week and a half and I AM SO SICK OF IT!!!! Not that I'm in pain or anything but its just obnoxious and needs to kick rocks! Being a mommy is a 24 hour job with no weekends off! Being sick does not mean I get to stay in bed all day like I use to loveeee! Even though I try to keep her in bed with me all day, now that she is mobile it doesn't work so well. She runs around wild if I don't get out of bed! (but days that I'm not sick she wants to stay in bed and nurse allll day! funny how that works!)

      Hot tea, lots of vitamins and warm baths have been helping so far but it seems like as soon as I feel better I get out and run errands and then I get even worse the next day! Soooo I guess I will have to bring my pillow and blanket out in the living room and entertain Elliana from there! Hopefully she doesn't catch this nasty cold and I get better soon!

       So long sick days where I lay in bed all day and have my mama wait on its my turn to be mama and I wouldn't have it any other way! 


Thursday, October 24, 2013

Lillebaby Review

At the beginning of this month, The Babywearing World Record Setting was held at the Los Angeles Convention Center. I participated on Team lillebaby and it was incredible to meet such amazing mommies, bloggers, babies and more! I had never tried a lillebaby carrier before and honestly I was nervous because soft structured carriers (SSC) have never been my first or favorite choice to wear Elliana in. I have never been a huge fan of for a few reasons, 

             1) In order to get it tight enough on my hips it makes for some pretty sexy muffin top action which I'm not too fond of.
               2) They take me longer for to buckle up and get her in then my favorite go-to carrier, which is my ring sling! 

       When my favorite mommy blogger Emily from (( asked me be on team lillebaby with her I decided to put all of my thoughts and opinions of SSC's away and go into this with an open mind. I was nervous to do a review because I was scared 
"What if I don't like it?" 
"How do I review a product I don't like?"

( I really didn't think I would LOVE it and boy was I wrong!)

       AS SOON as I buckled the lillebaby around my hips and got Elliana positioned into it I was instantly IN LOVE! There were no love handles hanging over the sides, no digging under my armpits, the weight was SOOO evenly distributed, and best of all, nursing in it was so incredibly easy! I was sold! Everything about it was so amazing compared to previous SSC's that I have worn Elliana in.      

Emily & I wearing our littles in our lillebaby carriers
Nursing made easy!

        I wore Elliana in my new lillebaby for over 3 hours straight and I had absolutely NO back pain. My favorite thing about the lillebaby is the padded back piece! Right where the buckle strap sits on my tailbone I always get sore after about an hour, but lillebaby has mastered this! The pad sits directly on my tailbone and it was like I couldn't even tell that I was wearing my over 20 lb baby!        
Padded back 

       After Elliana slept for 2 hours in the lillebaby she was ready to get down and run around but I wasn't ready to take my new carrier off, so I stole my niece and wore her for awhile! Baby L was 12 weeks at the time and weighed about 10 lbs. Normally in an SSC with a baby that small you need an infant insert in order to properly wear the baby. Not with the lillebaby! No infant insert necessary! I was absolutely shocked at how comfortably snug Baby L was! There was no way she was sliding out the sides or going anywhere for that matter! She was so happy and stayed content in the lillebaby for over an hour!        
       Like I said I was so nervous when I agreed to do a review on this carrier because of my previous thoughts of SSC's have never been anything extremely positive, but the lillebaby has completely proved me wrong! Ever since I got home from the record setting I have used my lillebaby for every outting!!! I never thought I'd find a carrier that one-upped my ring sling but lillebaby has done just that!! I love my lillebaby carrier and I recommend it to every parent interested in wearing their baby. 

       - This carrier has a padded head piece that can be folded down when baby is awake so they 
          can look around, or it can be buckled up to support their head when they are asleep.


       - There is a removable hood attatched to the carrier which I love because of the fact that you
         can completely remove it and no other SSC that I have used has a removable one (I find
          hoods to be annoying and get in my way so I'm glad I have the option of taking it off)

- Weight range for lillebaby carrier: 7-45 lbs.

       - Baby can be worn in 4 different positions: 
        1) Facing In
            2) Facing Out
          3) Hip Carry
             4) Back Carry

       I highly recommend this carrier and wish I could give every parent one because I am sooo certain you will love it as much as I do!

       Lillebaby has so graciously given me a coupon code for all of you mommies and daddies reading this who want to buy a lillebaby for yourself! I promise you will not regret this purchase! 

   20% off code: 
valid until 11/30/13


((By the way, we helped set the Babywearing World Record with a total of 1,003 mommies wearing their babies!!!))


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

4th Trimester Bodies Project

       Last weekend, my mom, grandma, sister in law and myself tastefully bared our post baby bodies in front of the beautifully talented Ashlee Wells Jackson. Ashlee is the founder of the 4th trimester bodies project which is a fabulous movement opening the eyes of mothers and society about our bodies looking different after we have housed a baby for 9 months, nourished that baby by breastfeeding, and just everyday mothering. To be able to experience such love in one room and to feel like a model while nursing my baby, strutting around the hotel room in my bra and panties was so heartwarming
       First we got our hair and makeup done, we laughed, visited, nursed our babies, talked about life, birth and everything in between. We did a short interview with Ashlee about our birth or pregnancy experience as well as reasons why we wanted to participate in the project. My reasons were simple, I want women and mothers everywhere to realize that our bodies are incredible! Going through an amazing pregnancy and and even more amazing home birth I have so much respect for what my body is capable of.  To be able to solely nourish my growing newborn baby with milk made by ME! That fact still fascinates me 14 months later! To be able to calm my baby down by the sound of my voice or the touch of my skin is an incredible feeling and nothing in the world beats that motherly love! 
       Ashlee was such an inspiration to us and the photos along with the memories from that day will forever be in our hearts. Go check out the work Ashlee is doing with the 4th trimester bodies project (she has a Facebook page as well as an Instagram) and if she is in a town near you, you should definitely participate! 







Wednesday, October 9, 2013

After baby body

       40 weeks...thats how long it takes our body to grow a baby. Sometimes it's a week or two longer or shorter but around 40 weeks, 9 months. 9 short months if you think about what your body is going through during that time. An entire little human has been growing and living in your body in those 9 months so to think that body after baby will look the same is just crazy and unrealistic. I was the person that thought my body after baby would look pretty much the same...boy was I wrong! Extra weight, skin, dimples, stretch marks and all of the above. Sounds horrifying but when you get to stare into the eyes of your brand new baby everyday, the post baby body is all worth it. 
       I thought "oh I'm gonna breastfeed, I'll get skinny in no time!" Yes, breastfeeding helps you lose weight but not in the fast way that I was expecting. Before I got pregnant I was crazy about my weight! I was always trying some crazy diet or diet pills or just basically not eating because that will make me skinny right?! Wrong! I got skinny for a few months and then gained it all back plus more! So when elliana was 6 months old and I was still 60 lbs above pre pregnancy weight I had a really hard time wrapping my head around that fact! Since I was still exclusively breastfeeding I had to eat to keep up my milk supply so starving myself wasn't an option. I started following a bunch of fitness IG pages for inspiration and it was wonderful! The problem with those IG pages for me was the fact that most of them didn't have kids or weren't nursing so they could go to the gym whenever they wanted. I couldn't do that because I couldn't take elliana. I was stuck! I tried eating healthy but always blew it after a few days!
       Finally I came across an IG account that has been so incredible for my motivation and support in more than just my weight loss! @Ourknightlife is a mommy raising her family in Vegas and blogs about all things mommy! Breastfeeding, cloth diapering, Babywearing && WEIGHT LOSS! I watched @ourknightlife go through 1 round of whole30 and then a few weeks later when she was  about to start her 2nd round I decided it was time for me to buckle down and starting eating healthy!! The first few days were exhausting and the sugar cravings were going to kill me (or so I thought) after the first week, I was hooked. I loved how I felt, how my clothes fit, and all the different foods I could still eat while not feeling guilty. After my first round of whole30, I had lost almost 15 pounds and felt like a completely new person! My pre pregnancy clothes were beginning to fit, my energy level was through the roof, and my confidence was beginning to shine once again!
       I was so stoked about this small transformation that I began round 2 of this paleo lifestyle! My second round was a little bit more difficult, but my results were just as amazing! I stuck through the 30 days and lost another 12-15 lbs! In 8 short weeks I dropped almost 30 lbs and really am a whole new person. I actually like taking pictures with nick and Ellie now, I enjoy eating sweets as a treat every once in awhile instead of on a daily basis, I like seeing myself naked instead of refusing to look in the mirror on my way to the shower. Since I finished my second round I have begun doing paleo throughout the week and usually take the weekends to get my cravings fulfilled. I tried not to overdo it, but come Monday morning I'm always back on the paleo bandwagon! 

((***stay tuned for my post about my photo shoot with Ashlee from THE 4TH TRIMESTER BODIES PROJECT))

                                                                  June 6 - July 6

                                                                 July - August 

                                                                    June - August

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Date night <3

Date. Night.

       A phrase that hasn't gotten used around our house in the last 14 months. I'm not too sure how I feel about that except to say that I don't know if I will ever be okay leaving Elliana with anyone. I mean I have left her a few times with someone other than nick or myself, but honestly I still get a little bit of anxiety leaving the house without her. I know she doesn't feel the same because the few times we've left her she has been absolutely fine when we got home. Playing away or eating snacks and just kind of stares at us when we got home which makes me glad she is fine but sad that she didn't miss me! Haha (mommy emotions) but anyways, Nicholas and I had our two year anniversary today and to celebrate we called in the babysitting troops! Uncle Ian, Auntie Laura && baby cousin Lennon came to play!
       Nick and I decided to walk down to this little foot massage place near our house and get a couples massage. As we left, Elliana waved and said "buuuyee" in her cute little voice! I text Laura as we were waiting for the lady to start our massages and she immediately told me to quit texting her! I was bummed that I didn't get an update on how our sweet girl was doing, but I guess it had been no longer than 20 minutes! I realized in the hour and a half that we were gone that nick and I are not the only ones that loves Ellie. I know that uncle Ian and auntie Laura love elliana as much as they would if she were there own and I just need to sit back and relax and enjoy my date night with my fiancĂ©
       Nick and I had wonderful massages, grabbed a drink at the Mexican restaurant next door, dinner to go and headed home to our baby girl (who probably didn't mind that we were gone as long as she had a snack and someone to play with her!) I think date nights in our house need to become more of a regular occasion , and mommy and daddy need to go have dinner or get massages without having to ask for a high chair every once in awhile ;) 


                                                  Waiting for our massages :)

                                                             Text from auntie ;)

Monday, September 30, 2013

Crazy thing called life

       I think about this blog daily, and every night when I sit in bed nursing E to sleep, I always end up falling asleep right along with her and end up waking up a few hours later with the iPad in my lap waiting for my next blog entry! By that time I set the iPad on the floor and crash back out for the night! (life of a mommy, take sleep when you can get it!) Anyways, life lately has been so incredible! Elliana is still amazing us daily by the new things she learns, faces she makes, and the loads of kisses she blesses us with constantly! 

       Two weeks ago Nicholas Jaymes asked me to be his wife and the way he did it still melts my heart just thinking about it! We had a very low key Friday night and after dinner we were lying on the floor playing and reading with elliana. Nick was across the living room and I saw him hand elliana something to play with and I didn't think anything of it. I saw her play with it for a few minutes and then I heard him say "go give it to mommy" not thinking she would be handing me something so beautiful I just grabbed it and said thank you. After double taking the gorgeous ring she had just handed me I just stared at nick wondering if he was really doing what I thought he was doing and sure enough, he was! This amazing man asked me to spend the rest of my life with him and I couldn't be more excited! I'm excited to have a wedding, to buy a house together & soooo excited to have even more beautiful babies with him!!! 

       Everyday since he proposed Elliana ooo's and ahhh's over my beautiful ring and she spins it around my finger with her sweet little smile! She knows her pretties, so seeing mamas just lights her little face up! Becoming a mom has turned my life upside down in the most wonderful ways and lately I feel like I just need to stop and smell the flowers. The past few weeks we have been going going going, and I begun realizing that I don't want elliana to grow up thinking we rushed through her childhood. I want to let her walk in the grocery store even if it turns my 10 minute quick stop into a 30 minute stroll down the aisles. Letting her stop and look at everything is so worth it to me and I'm vowing to our daughter that that is exactly what I will let her do. Stop and smell the roses and let her lol and ahhh's over all the pretties she sees! :) Seeing how fast these past 14 months have flown by is beginning to scare me because she is no longer a little baby and I need to enjoy every single day she grows and does new things!!


Sunday, August 18, 2013

1 year of nursing.

       I cannot believe my little nursling and I have been a breastfeeding duo for a little over a year now! Where did the last year go?! We are officially into the toddler nursing stage...she wants to play and nurse at the same time! She is walking EVERYWHERE now, talking up a storm (nick and I counted last night and she says 10 words now!) && eating everything in sight! This new stage and I have had a love hate relationship so far because our house isn't 100% baby proof yet which makes my life during the day a tornado! If dada isn't home to be my extra pair of eyes she ends up sneaking away and playing in the toilet 2-3 times a day! Yuck!!
       I can't imagine being done breastfeeding my little rascal! I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but had no idea the love I would have for it! Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would want to breastfeed forever! She is almost 13 months old now (omg I have a 13 month old!!! So crazy to think!) but she nurses anywhere between 4-8 times a day and ALL NIGHT LONG! She nurses more when she is tired, if she falls and just wants to comfort, or if she eats something and wants to wash it down with what she knows...breastmilk! Some people might say if she wants to drink something while she eats why not just give her a sippy cup? She does have a sippy cup that she plays with or drinks water out every once in awhile, but she likes to nurse so who am I to take that comfort away from her! It's like babies and their bottles, my baby's bottle just happens to be attached to my body. 
       People ask me "how long do you plan on nursing her?" And my response has and will always be "until the day she wants to stop". Most people don't realize that nursing is a two-sided relationship. I can't imagine elliana just all of a sudden stopping one day, no warning, no discussion, just done. I would be devastated! My heart would be broken because that's all I've known for the past 13 months! So imagine taking that away from a baby who doesn't understand why she can't have it anymore. If it would be devastating for me I would never want to do that to my baby! So I will let her nurse until we decide that it's best for our family for us to stop.
        Nick and I agree that nursing is the greatest thing for our baby and she will stop when she is ready. And when that time comes we will hopefully have another baby so this mama won't be heartbroken by not having a nursing baby anymore :) of course there are days and nights that I'm exhausted and just want to get stuff done or get a good nights rest without a baby attached to my boob but she won't always be a baby, and i know that before our eyes we will have a sweet little girl who is talking about boys and learning to drive so the sleepless nights and our messy house can stay for awhile because my baby won't always be my baby. 
       The average weaning age for mammals is anywhere between 2 years old and 7 years old so hopefully we still have lots of nursing snuggles to go! No matter what method you chose to feed your baby it ultimately boils down to what works best for your family and this is what works best for ours :) 
       We have had a wonderful 1st year as parents and are excited to see the many years to come! Bon voyage baby Ellie, we are stoked to see you grow into the sassy little munchkin you've already started unveiling! 


                                           Blue eyed baby doll w/ messy nap hair
                                              Nursing at "The Big Latch On"
                                                  Afternoon snuggles

                                 This is why I need an extra pair of eyes now ;)

                                                       Walking everywhere :)

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Can I borrow your broom?

       Leaving the house with a baby/toddler is anything but fast...I always assume leaving 30-45 minutes early will be a sufficient enough time to get where we need to go but that is never the case...diapers, wallets, toys, snacks, thank god for breastfeeding because at least I can't forget my boobs! Get everything in my arms, walk to the car, only to realize my keys are still inside the house! Luckily I even forgot to lock the door so I can actually go get my keys and then lock the door! (Nick always laughs at me when he is waiting for 20 min in the car when i tell him all i have to do is grab the diaper bag) This is our daily routine of leaving the house! 

       Eating out is just as fun as this leaving the house routine...maybe even better. We go out to eat maybe 2-3 times a month, and I feel like the need to go out has settled a bit since elliana has become mobile! Not only does our crazy rugrat not want to be held anymore, but try putting her in a high chair, forget it! She either wants to be sitting like a big girl next to her dada or she wants to be roaming from table to table waving at everyone she sees! All of which is fine unless you actually want to eat your meal :) we do like taking her out because she likes to learn and I find that restaurants are a good place to teach all sorts of skills, drinking out of a big girl cup, using utensils, saying pease and thank you and of course we can't forget her quirky little smile she gives to everyone who looks her way! Rice and beans, Elliana's favorite restaurant food! Messy, yummy, and easy for her to feed herself! Except by the time the bill comes nick and I are embarrassed to even look at the floor under Ellie's chair! Afraid of how big the mess might be and feeling like we should borrow a broom to clean it up! We have asked a few times but they always nicely decline and say don't worry about it, but there has also been a few times that the mess has been so bad we couldn't help but laugh and swear to each other that we could never step foot in that restaurant again! 

       We are just getting to the toddler years and I know that this independent stage is only going to get more intense! I've been having a hard time letting my baby grow up, but I know it's going to happen regardless of me liking it or not so I've decided to just enjoy the messes, laugh at what we can't clean up, and let her be the roaming social butterfly that she is! She melts my heart along with her daddy's so we are just going to sit back and watch her personality unfold even more! 

Enjoy the messes my fellow mommies, it keeps getting messier! 


                                        Raviolis! Her first time eating in a high chair!

                                                        Ribs all my herself!

                                                        Rice rice & more rice!!

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

The day of your birth

                                                                                                                  November 2012

                                                 ​ Elliana Madalyn 

                                             The story of your birthday


July 30th came and gone, and as uncomfortable as I was, I knew you weren’t ready to make your arrival yet so we waited, and waited, and waited.

       On Sunday August 5, 2012 your lolli came into town in hopes of your soon arrival. That night we went to bed normally and up to this point I hadn’t felt any sure signs that you were coming.

       Monday August 6th, we woke up at 5 am to get breakfast and take your daddy to work. After we took your dad to work we drove to Tehachapi to see Justine and sure enough, you began showing mommy you were ready to come out by sending contractions my way! By the time we got home a few hours later, I was sure you were coming.

       As I laid in the bathtub breathing through each contraction all I could think about was holding you, kissing you, nursing you, and I couldn’t help but smile even through the pain. Holding my belly through each contraction to see if I could feel you making your way out, but all I felt was my tummy hard as a rock. I knew you were working just as hard inside as I was outside and I knew we were working together to meet each other very soon. By the time daddy came home from work I was in active labor and we knew we would meet you very very soon!

       Daddy called Justine and told her that we were sure it was time and down the hill she came! was sitting on the yoga ball inside the shower rocking and moaning when Justine arrived. I looked out of the shower and Justine gave me a smile and at that moment I knew it was safe for you to meet us!

       The minutes turned into hours, day turned into night and then day once again. Active turned into transition and I was exhausted and ready to kiss you all over. After walking the halls all night, getting in and out of the tub, up and down off the bed I looked at the clock in the bathroom and it was 7am on Tuesday, August 7. I knew it had to be soon! I had so many emotions and to this day I don’t recall any of them being pain. I was excited, scared, tired and anxious, but all of those feeling led to pushing.

       As I began pushing time stood still. I felt like I wasn’t progressing at all. I looked up at your daddy and he had a tear in his eye and in a soft voice he told me “babe, she has hair!” He was thrilled that he could see you! Even though it was just the top of your head, you were really there and you were really coming to meet us within minutes! Finally I reached my hand down to you and I could feel all that hair!! Feeling the top of your head gave me that much more power to help you make your way out to us! Lolli, Mimi, Daddy, Justine and I were all waiting patiently to meet you! You found your way out to us all and it is like no feeling I have ever felt. You were perfect. Perfect in every way. You were mine. You were daddy’s. Nobody could ever take you away from us.

       Elliana Madalyn Chavez I love you with every muscle of my body and my heart is forever yours! You, my baby girl, are the greatest thing that has every happened to me and August 7, 2012 will forever be my favorite day. You have shown me love like I have never seen before, and I hope that one day you will have this feeling. It is by far the greatest love in this crazy beautiful world.

                                              ​Love, Mommy

                                                             My whole world

                                                        ...A tear in daddy's eye...

                                      Our midwife Justine checking our sweet girl out

                                                         8 lbs 2 oz of pure perfection

Sunday, August 4, 2013

The best is yet to come

       As I reminisce on the last year of my life I could not be more grateful! I have been blessed with an amazing man who loves me more than I could ever imagine, a beautiful healthy little girl, and the most supportive family ever! Right now at this exact moment last year, nick and i were getting into bed for the very last time alone. I was 41 weeks + 1 day pregnant, as giant as could be, uncomfortable and had to pee every 10 minutes. The birthing tub was filled with warm water waiting for our sweet bundle to come at any moment, my mom had just gotten into town, and we were ready to have a baby! Except at this point I had NO signs of labor! My midwife kept telling me to get rest because labor usually comes in the middle of the night when you least expect it. Little did I know that would be my last night without my sweet girl. We woke up at 5 am to have breakfast and take nick to work. Before we left the house I was having small cramps that I wasn't sure if they were contractions or not so I just went about getting ready. During breakfast they began to get worse so I thought these could definitely be contractions. We took nick to work and headed up the mountain to have my last check up with my midwife. She checked my dilation and I was still only at a 2 (which I had been at for 2 weeks) I wasn't disappointed because my contractions were getting worse so we were pretty sure I was in labor! The drive home from Tehachapi is still a little blurry because I went into full blown labor. Contractions were consistent every 10 minutes. Luckily my mom was with me to drive home! We stopped and got lunch and by the time we got home I couldn't even eat my lunch because I was I'm so much pain! A few hours passed and nick came home from work where he found me laboring in the bathtub trying to figure out which labor position was the most comfortable at the time! He was bringing me cold wash cloths and rubbing my back! I was only 10 hours into labor...little did I know that I wasn't even half way there yet! 

                       (( I have my entire birth story written that I will post in a few days! ))


                                                   Last pregnant belly picture

                                         Laboring in the tub & Nick rubbing my back

                                                           So in love with him

Thursday, August 1, 2013

As long as I'm living my baby you'll be

       Elliana and I have always had a beautiful breastfeeding relationship! Since day 1 she has LOVED nursing and it has always been our special time throughout the day. Now that she is creeping up to her 1st birthday she has begun the crazy toddler nursing stage... aka she wants to nurse and crawl at the same time...she wants to eat Cheerios, nurse AND crawl away to pick up toys all at the same time, which leads to teeth, biting, and my nipple being stretched further than it should be. As different as it is from our peaceful newborn nursing sessions, I love it just as much! Recently she has turned into a big daddy baby! She lovesssss her dada! All day long she yells "da da!" "Daaaa da!" And if I ask where daddy is, she stares at the front window waiting for him to walk in, so needless to say she's placed me on the back burner except when its titty time...then she's once again a mama baby! And I'm fine with that because I know how much he loves that she waits for him and it gives me a break once he gets home so it's a win win :)

       Tonight I'm lying in bed, nicks snoring away and I look down at elliana nursing and she just smiles...she didn't unlatch or anything just gave me a faint smile. As soon as I smiled back and told her I loved her, she closed her eyes and began snoring with her daddy. It 100% melted my heart. It brought back those beautiful newborn nursing sessions and the tugging and Cheerio biting of my nipples all day today has been forgotten. Although my baby is turning 1 next week I will forever cherish these moments. I plan to nurse until the very last day that my precious baby wants to (even though that day will probably be too soon for this mama's liking) and until that day comes we will nurse on and enjoy every minute of these crazy days and nights! 


            This is the look that melts my heart!
                         (11 months old)

                     Same look (4 months old)

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Great Grandma Love

       Smiles, peak-a-boo, crackers and rocking chairs. Those are a few of my Elliana's favorite things when we are over at my Grandma's house. 3-4 days a week Elliana and I spend the day with Grandma Ruth & Aunt Lavada. We do laundry, we play with the hose & we sit on the porch swing and tell stories! We both love going over there to visit and help out but the thing that gets to me every time we go over there is the fact that my little girl can bring so much joy into someone else's life. I knew our sweet girl was loved, but the way my grandmother's face lights up when she sees us walk through the door is the greatest thing in the world. I never thought somebody besides nick and I could love her so much until I realized how she makes my grandma and aunt lavada's day each and every time we go over there! I think that's what makes Elliana so excited to see them is when she sees how excited they get she is ecstatic! She crawls all over the house waiting for them to chase her! She babbles nonsense and they babble back, they feed her crackers and they let her feed them, & most of all they snuggle her alllllll day long! She keeps them young and it melts my heart to see her bonding with them! My grandma always tells me how good it is for old people to be around babies because it makes them happy and I never took her seriously until recently when I realized they way they are with Ellie! They sit around the house all day long and when Ellie and I go over there, it gives them something to do and they talk about her until the next day when we come back! I love them so much and I love how they love my Ellie! I will forever cherish these days and moments with Grandma Ruth & Aunt Lavada!


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Toys & Crumbs

       I always knew I wanted to have babies, lots and lots of babies! What I didn't realize was, was that my house would constantly be a mess once I had babies and now I only have ONE and it's already a mess! We are finally at the stage where as soon as I clean something up, I turn around and it's a mess again. Elliana has started ignoring her toys unless they are put where they are suppose to be. She loveessss books! But she loves her books more when they are all stacked up nice and neat! Give her 5 minutes and those nice and neat stacks are thrown in every room of the house once again. I have given up trying to clean as the day goes on. I recently began asking her to help me, I show her how to "put your toys back" "help mama clean up" and she does help a little bit, but mostly she likes finding the other toys that have been hiding under that certain book all day! I usually clean up at her nap time so at least the house is a little put together by the time nick gets home, and then after he showers and relaxes for a bit he helps her tear the living room apart again! My nightly clean up is the easiest because daddy and baby are sound asleep & this mama gets to relax by cleaning. (Another thing I would have never guessed before becoming a parent...that cleaning would relax me. I used to hate cleaning!) Although my house is full of scattered toys and day old crumbs, I know it's also full of love, lots of learning, and days of giggles! I wouldn't change my little messy house for anything! 


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Morning & nap time madness

       Nap time. Two words that either go really well around our house or get completely ignored. CoSleeping has been a life saver with night time nursing & the snuggles we get throughout the night are priceless. Since we know those snuggles won't last forever we are in no hurry to move her into her own bed. Since we cosleep, elliana goes to bed when we go to bed. Most nights I lie down with her around 8:30-9:00 and she goofs around for a bit. Decides which boob is producing more milk at the time, does a few somersaults & tumbles off the bed a few times playing peek a boo with daddy. After about an hour and a half of that, she dozes off into la la land and begins to calm down and fall asleep! Since this is normally around 11, waking up early is not an option for this little night owl baby! I have never met a little person who doesn't wake up after 8 am...except our Ellie. This girl can sleep. & sleep & sleep & sleep! And I've realized the longer I stay in bed, the longer she sleeps! With all this being said, nap times vary and most days they're few and far between since she doesn't end up waking completely up until around noon! Around noon she starts to root around to nurse, realizes I'm not in bed anymore (most days I get up before noon) ;) & then she scoots to the end of the bed and starts calling my name. "Ma ma"..."maaaaa maa" maaaaaam" I sneak into the room to see what's she's doing and most days she is trying to maneuver her way off the bed without me. After she plays around for a few hours, nurses a few more times and has eaten a few joes o's, she starts getting fussy. Normally it's around 3:30, but some days it's not until 5-6 that she wants to take a nap. This is where I'm torn...I don't like her taking naps that late because then come 8:30 she has gotten a second wind and wants to play until midnight! I have found it easier to let her nurse as well as sleep on demand, but midnight is not how late I like staying up! (That causes for a cranky and even more SleeplessMama!) Sooooo... My solution lately, I get out of bed around 8:30 or 9 am, turn on the light, start breakfast for me and just go about my day. She has been realizing that I'm not in bed about 30 minutes after I get up and then she is up and about by 10! With her waking up that early, she has been wanting to take a nap around 1 which is perfect because then by her late afternoon nap it is almost bath time which is close to 8 and then after our bath she is ready to nurse and go to sleep for the night! Wahhlaaa! I have been trying this out for about a week so hopefully the morning time gets earlier and the bed time does as well! (I would've never thought that I would be wishing for my child to wake up earlier) haha myyy how things change once you become a parent! 


              Playing with daddy before bed

       Just waking up. Morning snuggles & nursing

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Night time around here

       Night time around our house is anything but ordinary. Some nights are more entertaining than others, but most nights consist of a naked baby crawling around our kitchen floor eating tid bits of food that have fallen from me cooking dinner, daddy trying to chase her around to awkwardly put a diaper on a mobile baby, and me tripping over sippy cups that she has thrown all over the kitchen floor. Sounds like a typical household right?! Then we get to bath time where she instantly pees on the bathroom floor as soon as the water is turned on, foam alphabet letters cover the bath tub floor, and half empty bottles of shampoo & face wash are upside down hoping they don't get poured down the drain by an 11 month old baby again! After our calming bath of eating bubbles and rubber fish we get to the night time diaper! The most dreaded part of the day for our little nursling! I have never seen a more pitiful sad face given by a baby! She does not like getting ready for bed! But as soon as we get into bed she gets excited because guess what time it is!!!?!! That's right! She is thinking "I get to nurse for the next 10 hours straight?!!!" My big ol' titty baby gets a huge grin on her face (after the diaper is said and done of course) then starts the night time nursing ritual. My love//hate relationship after the sun goes down.... Like I said earlier some nights are better than others but lately they've been pretty good! It's taken me 11 months to figure out the perfect position for me to be in so she can still nurse all night without me breaking my back (which would lead to her unlatching and waking up in a panic!) As much as night time nursing is a pain, it's actually one if my favorite nursing times because its quiet, it's just me and E time, daddy is snoring, baby is snoozing half way and i get to enjoy watching them both so peaceful. Talk about bliss...

       - NursingBliss from a SleeplessMama 

                                     My bath time babe

                      Few days old in this picture - perfection!