Noah's {birth day}

      ••• April 13, 2015 ~ 40 weeks pregnant •••

       Elliana and I woke up early to have coffee and breakfast with nick before he left for work. After he left Ellie, my mom and I went to Ellie's Drs appointment and then headed home to get my house situated for a small blessingway my mom and sister in law were hosting for me that night. My house was spotless and ready for company. (This pregnancy seriously made me somewhat obsessive about constantly having a clean house!) Nick came home from work, got Ellie dressed and the two of them headed out for dance class. We had such a beautiful blessingway filled with loving memories, emotions flowing all around and I felt so ready to have this baby. I felt like my cup was so full that baby could come at any time. After the blessingway, my midwife stayed to do my 40 week prenatal check. Baby sounded amazing and I was measuring right on track. Everyone except a few friends left and the rest of us were just sitting on my couch talking about my birth, my hopes, my fears, my excitement and everything else that comes along with labor and birth. I was in such a good place mentally as well as physically. I was so thrilled about my upcoming birth that we couldn't stop talking about lighting my candles and setting up the tub. Friends continued to say their goodbyes and leave for the night but a couple of my close girlfriends stayed to chat with me. I put Elliana down for the night and began arranging my candles the way I wanted them when I went into labor. Little did I know that would throw me into labor. 

       Around 9pm I was walking around the living room and suddenly peed myself. At first I wasn't sure if this was my water or literally just being pregnant but we all started laughing. After cleaning myself up, contractions began and I began getting nervous. Is this real? When do I call? What if Elliana wakes up? I felt like I was so unprepared even though I had been preparing for the last 40 weeks! My girlfriends calmed me down and reassured me as they timed my contractions. Nick went to bed to try and get some rest because we all knew it was going to be a long night. After the contractions were consistent for over an hour, 30 seconds long and 3-6 minutes apart I knew it was time to call Justine. I woke nick up and he began to get everything ready. Justine told me to try to get some rest and that she would head over soon because it was time to have this baby! I also text our birth photographer and told her it was time and she headed over as well. Nick watched me for a few contractions and decided it was time to set up the birthing tub. I was feeling so wonderful at this time. Contractions were consistent but not painful at this point. I lit all my candles and began rocking on my yoga ball. 

       A few minutes later, I felt a huge gush and knew it had to be the rest of my water breaking. I went to the bathroom to clean myself up again and as I wiped, I noticed something wrong with my water. I called my mom into the bathroom and asked her to check the toilet. My water was green and I didn't know what was going on. Contractions were getting a little more intense at this point and I asked nick to call Justine and tell her my water was green. As he was on the phone with her, I immediately heard her tell him that I had meconium and we needed to go to the hospital. My heart sunk. I instantly began crying and begging not to go. I didn't want a cesarean. I didn't want to be strapped to monitors. I didn't want to leave Elliana at home and I didn't want an epidural. I was so scared of everything that was about to happen. I couldn't control myself. I couldn't stop crying. This isn't how it was suppose to happen. All my candles were lit, the birth tub was set up. My house was clean. I was suppose to have this baby in this perfect way like I had planned. My heart was broken but I knew I needed to listen to my midwife. I trusted her with my babies lives and knew if she thought our baby was stressed out that going to the hospital was our best option. Thank god my two girlfriends were still at our house and stayed there as Elliana slept. 

       On our way to the hospital my contractions were getting closer together and harder to handle. I kept breathing through each one but I was so scared that something was wrong with my sweet belly baby that I couldn't pull myself together. I was a mess. I was freaking out about being in a hospital. Freaking out that my baby wasn't doing well in my belly and freaking out about not having Elliana with us. (She has never been away from us for longer than a few hours) When we got to the emergency room and the charge nurse took us up to labor and delivery. (This is where my mind blacked out) I only remember parts of everything after getting checked in. 

       The hospital was completely packed and they didn't have a room for me so we ended up in a closed down waiting room. My contractions were intense by the time my midwife got there and she recommend me letting the nurse check my dilation. I agreed and I was at 5cm. The baby at this point wasn't doing well. They needed to get an IV in me to see if baby's heartbeat would start going up and as the nurse gave me my IV, she blew my vein. She was trying to give me an IV in the midst of crazy contractions and I was pissed about it. Once she blew my vein I begged for an epidural. Contractions on top of each other, a nurse poking me like she had never administered an IV before and my baby who wasn't happy in my belly. Justine told the nurses that they needed to hurry and get me on oxygen because the baby was not doing well. Nick and I at this point were begging for our baby's life. We were so scared. Within minutes the baby's heart rate dropped to 37 and the room started to panic. My midwife was advising all the nurses that the baby needed to come out. I was begging for them to get the baby out because I knew my baby was not safe. For 6 whole minutes, our baby's heart rate stayed at 37. The room was terrified. They rushed me to the OR for an emergency c section (I still didn't have an epidural so they were going to have to put me under completely.) 

       It took 10 minutes to get me moved onto the operating table, nick to get scrubs on and the dr. to rush in and get ready to scrub. As the dr. came in the room I was pushing. He lifted my gown, saw me pushing and told me that I needed to get this baby out immediately. I went from 6cm to 10cm and complete in 10 minutes. 

       I pushed two crazy intense times and nick began crying and telling me that "it's a boy!" Noah Jaymes Chavez was here and screaming for the world to know it. The NICU took him to the other side of the room to make sure his lungs were clear of meconium and then nick brought our sweet boy over to my chest. The tears began flowing! Our boy was here and safe. He was healthy, crying and looking for his mama! Our panic and terrified feelings subsided as we kissed all over our new boy.

       I couldn't believe that he was here, naturally, vaginally, no drugs and in a hospital. That was such a fear of mine. I knew that being in the hospital I would want drugs and the fact that they didn't get there fast enough was a blessing in disguise. Our boy knew he needed out, and he also must have known that his mama is afraid of large needles! He made his way out. He scared the hell out of us but he was here. 

       I knew I couldn't stay in the hospital. I wanted to be home with our big baby girl and new little boy. We checked ourselves out of the hospital within a few hours of having Noah and headed home. The hospital wasn't happy but I knew I needed to be home. 

       Walking into our house was a rough moment for me because our house was still set up for our perfect home birth but I learned so much from the experience. It humbled me and made me realize that no matter how much you plan for something, no matter how much you think everything is going to be perfect or "that will never happen to me" it does. Stuff happens and there clearly is no way to tell how your baby will decide to make their way into this world but this was Noah's way. I am so grateful for a Justine and having a midwife that we trusted so much. I'm so thankful for having hospitals because of reasons like this. Home births are incredible and I had such an amazing experience with Elliana's home birth but this is why we have hospitals. 

       Everyday I think about Noah's birth and how scared we were and how I didn't want to be at the hospital but I stop and look at my sweet boy and remind myself that he is here and he is alive. All the other nonsense of how he came into this world doesn't matter to me anymore. He is here and we are in love. 

         Enjoy the sneak peak of our pictures ❤️ 

                 {Loving Touch Photography}

                         {Justina Engen} 

       

{ Wedding Bliss }

I feel like the past few months have whizzed by but we have accomplished so much as a family!

1) we paid off debt

2) we bought a house

3) we got married

Huge huge life events have been accomplished since I last wrote which means lucky you guys, lots to write about and lots for you to read!

I will just go down the list and update everyone in this life we have going on!

1) Paying off debt completely! Whewwww debt physically and emotionally stresses me out! I feel like my life gets consumed 90% with who what bills we have coming up, which card needs paid off first, so on and so forth. So for nick and I to completely pay our credit cards off was absolutely incredible. We had a goal which was to raise our pre qualification in order to buy a house and we achieved it. It took us a few months of strapping down, not splurging, cooking lunches and dinners instead of eating out, but we did it. We made it through and let me tell you...it was a fantastic feeling! 

2) We then got ourself into a ton of debt by purchasing a house! haha But that debt is totally worth it! Elliana needed a backyard and we were simply sick of renting! I needed to be able to paint and put holes in our walls to make it feel like home! We looked for about a year, put a handful of offers in and finally found our starter home! It's 3 bedroom, 2 bath, all newly remodeled with super cute bathroom vanities (i love the bathrooms), new carpet/tile and a LAUNDRY ROOM!!!!! A laundry room for me was a must because when we were living in our apartment, I was hauling our laundry to my Grandma's house 2-3 times a week which was a painnnn! So for me to have indoor laundry is AMAZING! 

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3) So many people have questions as to why we suddenly got married so here it goes ;) 

 Nick and I have been planning our wedding for awhile now and we were going to wait until October 2015 because we wanted to buy a house first and get settled in before we had a big wedding. Well after we moved into our house we sat down and talked about everything and realized we were thrilled with the way things were, we were content with our finances, we were happy Elliana finally had room to run around and we really didn't feel the need to wait over a year to get married! So we sat down with a calendar and figured out when the next time my sister would be in town (from Vancouver Canada) and when the next time his sisters would be in town (from Texas & NY). It just so happened that 3 weeks later my sister had a break from school and was coming home for a short vacation, and 4 weeks later we had a huge family wedding on his side that everyone from his family would be home, so clearly planning a wedding in 4 weeks was plenty of time for me, as long as everyone was able to be here.

 Since my sister and his sisters visits weren't going to fall on the same days, we decided it would be nice to split our wedding up and do our ceremony the 1st weekend while my sister was here, and our reception the following weekend when his entire family & sisters were here! It turned out so perfect and I am so glad we decided to do a small wedding that our families were able to attend. Plus I didn't have over a year to plan which made things s.i.m.p.l.e and intimate! Exactly how I wanted it!!

The Ceremony:

 Nick and I had planned to just go to the beach down in LA somewhere (I've always dreamed of having my grandfather marry me and he lives in LA) and have a small intimate ceremony with our parents and our witnesses. About a week into my simple plans, my mom called and asked if I trusted her...ummmm yeah why mom? She said she wanted to plan a surprise ceremony for us and I wouldn't know anything about it until I showed up on our wedding day. I agreed and thought this sounded fun and EASY for me! 

My mom told me what hotel to check into the day of, and that the photographer would meet me, my sister/makeup artist and my best friend/hairdresser at the hotel. We had such an amazing time getting ready, laughing, playing with Ellie and taking hundreds of pictures! (The photographer that my mom hired was one of my oldest friend's mom, who has known me since i was 8 years old! It was so incredible to have her share that day with us!)

The day was amazing thus far, and all of this was going on while Nicholas was out playing disc golf at some course he found online. in the middle of us getting ready Nick came back to the hotel room to shower and get dressed before he headed to the venue. This meant that I had to hide behind the TV while him and Ellie had the cutest little photo while he got ready!

After I was finished getting ready my best friend drove me to the venue which turned out to be my cousin's house (she has the cutest little house and backyard in Valencia). My mom and sister-in-law did such an incredible job stalking my pintrest boards and finding my dream wedding decor. There were mint and turquoise vases everywhere with white candles, white tissue balls, hanging italian twinkle lights, a milk and cookie bar, and PIZZA for dinner! (nick and i have talked about having pizza for dinner and a milk and cookie bar at our wedding since we got engaged!) 

It turned out SO perfect!

I honestly didn't think I'd cry. Boy was I wrong! 

As soon as we pulled up to my cousin's house, 

before I even saw Nick I was a mess!

We did our first look photos 

as everyone stood crowded around the windows to watch us. 

They then let Elliana outside to join us. 

It was amazing.

My dad of course walked me down the aisle,

 and I will never forget the way Nicholas Jaymes looked at me. 

(even though he had just seen me 5 minutes prior)

My grandfather got to marry me. My dream since I was a little girl.

We ate pizza, had tons of cookies, danced with no music under the stars and twinkle lights and 

we were happy.

I still get the butterflies thinking about that day. 

My dream for Nicholas and I is to never forget how we felt on that exact day.

May 17, 2014

As much as I didn't want anything fancy, this ceremony topped my simple little beach wedding more than I could have imagined. It would have been even more perfect if Nick's three sisters and their families were able to be there but it just didn't work out.

 I'm so grateful that they were able to make it to our reception the following weekend,

 and the time we got to spend together made up for it all!

Here are some of my favorite photos from our ceremony & reception. 

{ENJOY}

     

 

  

       

     

     

 

 

          

   

((Short video from our ceremony))

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=YaiFA_2wwds

t.a.n.t.r.u.m.s.

It has been one of those days! I hate that I haven't been on here in months, and it has taken one of these days to give this little blog of mine attention, but that just explains my life with a toddler and a new house. Frantic to say the least. Having a toddler running around has actually not been as crazy as I had anticipated, except the past two days ... sweet baby jesus it's been rough. I feel like I am crazy half of the time because I argue with an almost 2 year old 8 hours of the day about why it's not okay to walk around the house holding the cat by it's ears ... our other waking hours are then spent with a play phone to my ear talking to Ellie's favorite family members about what they are doing. I wouldn't change my daily life for the world, but if you would have come to my door in the last 48 hours...I probably would have asked if you wanted my toddler. On that note, please tell me the 3's don't get worse. I'm not sure if it's because she is learning to communicate so well at this age, but not well enough to explain in detail what she needs or wants but I'm waiting for these tantrums to subside. She acts absolutely amazing 90% of the time, but the other 10% I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing as a mother. We are still going strong nursing and loving most days. Night time nursing, now thats a different story and we are working on cutting down nursing at night ... simply because once it's dark she wants to act like a newborn and nurse every 2 hours and that doesn't help this sleepless mama's tantrum days any better. My late night ramblings for tonight are done and I feel much better! I hope some of you toddler mamas can have peace knowing that you're not the only one out there that feels crazy! haha. Good night friends!

(( p.s Nick and I recently got married and it's been wonderful to say the least! I am working on our wedding story right now and will share it with you all very soon! I also will attach our full wedding video on that blog post. ))

XO,

NursingBlissSleeplessMama

Surrendering.

       Tonight as I sit up and write I'm lost. I'm lost as far as where to begin. Life has been everything but calm lately and it's bitter sweet for me. I'm feeling overwhelmed, crazy busy, tired, happy, loved but also lonely. I'm not exactly sure how I can feel all of these emotions at once but I certainly am...the holidays had us running all over the place (I've realized that's what happens once you have a baby and a family). The new year has brought craziness like you wouldn't believe and I feel like I have neglected my blog which in turn has made me build up all these emotions instead of releasing them in this cyber world for you all to read :) 

1) exhausted - I need to sleep for an entire day to catch up but clearly that's not possible with a now toddler running around all day long. Who by the way is trying to cut napping completely out of her schedule... 

2) happy - Ellie is now 17 months old! I cannot believe that I have an almost 1 1/2 year old!! So insane! She is the most incredible thing to ever come into my life. She is running, talking up a storm, using the toilet on a daily basis, nursing like a champ, and bossing me and her daddy around all day long! We love our sassy little rascal!

3) lonely - I miss my mom. End of story. I wish she lived closer. I wish we saw her more than once a month. There is just something about her being in town that makes me feel at peace. Eventually we will live in the same town, until then I will have to be content with FaceTime. 

4) loved - Nicholas Jaymes continues to love me unconditionally even on days when I'm a brat. He is the most caring playful charming daddy I could have ever hand picked to father our child. To watch him grow as a dad everyday with elliana is the greatest thing I will ever witness and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him watching him father many more of our babies!

5) accomplished - I started running a few weeks ago and have been amazed that I have stuck with it. I hate it before I go for a run but by the time I finish I feel like I have just completed the Olympics. I have reached more personal goals in the past few weeks as far as health and nutrition go and I am thrilled about it. My goal in 2014 is to train for a marathon. I might not run it by the end of the year but I will definitely begin training this year! A half marathon will definitely be completed by me by the end of 2014 though! 

6) here comes the bitter sweet part - I have had a very heavy heart lately and i can't exactly put my finger on it in order to try mending it. It frustrates me when I don't know why I'm upset or what has happened that has made my heart feel so heavy but in the last two days it has been bad. Tonight I laid in bed nursing elliana, staring at her little curls in the dark, tickling her back and watching her eyes grow heavy to sleep and I realized... I'm done fighting this feeling...I'm surrendering all of these negative thoughts. All of my unknown heartache. All of these negative emotions. White flagged raised. I am handing all of this over to god and letting him sort it out. It's obviously too much for me because I haven't been able to figure it out so I'm done trying. There it is. I have too much to be grateful for to let negative feelings take over my day. Too many beautiful people that love me. Too many cute toddler smiles that make me laugh everyday and an incredible fiancé who loves me more and more than I probably deserve at some points. This life is too short for all that nonsense. I love you guys and hope you go to bed tonight thankful for the people and babies you have in your life that make you smile! 

Xo,

NursingBlissSleeplessMama

                                     Here are some pictures from our crazy life lately :))

                                            

                         

             

                       

                                     

(Found this on nicks phone from a few mornings ago and it melts my heart every time I look at it. Who knew someone could ever love another person this much && how could I not be beyond grateful!)