Monday, May 4, 2015

Noah's {birth day}

      ••• April 13, 2015 ~ 40 weeks pregnant •••

       Elliana and I woke up early to have coffee and breakfast with nick before he left for work. After he left Ellie, my mom and I went to Ellie's Drs appointment and then headed home to get my house situated for a small blessingway my mom and sister in law were hosting for me that night. My house was spotless and ready for company. (This pregnancy seriously made me somewhat obsessive about constantly having a clean house!) Nick came home from work, got Ellie dressed and the two of them headed out for dance class. We had such a beautiful blessingway filled with loving memories, emotions flowing all around and I felt so ready to have this baby. I felt like my cup was so full that baby could come at any time. After the blessingway, my midwife stayed to do my 40 week prenatal check. Baby sounded amazing and I was measuring right on track. Everyone except a few friends left and the rest of us were just sitting on my couch talking about my birth, my hopes, my fears, my excitement and everything else that comes along with labor and birth. I was in such a good place mentally as well as physically. I was so thrilled about my upcoming birth that we couldn't stop talking about lighting my candles and setting up the tub. Friends continued to say their goodbyes and leave for the night but a couple of my close girlfriends stayed to chat with me. I put Elliana down for the night and began arranging my candles the way I wanted them when I went into labor. Little did I know that would throw me into labor. 

       Around 9pm I was walking around the living room and suddenly peed myself. At first I wasn't sure if this was my water or literally just being pregnant but we all started laughing. After cleaning myself up, contractions began and I began getting nervous. Is this real? When do I call? What if Elliana wakes up? I felt like I was so unprepared even though I had been preparing for the last 40 weeks! My girlfriends calmed me down and reassured me as they timed my contractions. Nick went to bed to try and get some rest because we all knew it was going to be a long night. After the contractions were consistent for over an hour, 30 seconds long and 3-6 minutes apart I knew it was time to call Justine. I woke nick up and he began to get everything ready. Justine told me to try to get some rest and that she would head over soon because it was time to have this baby! I also text our birth photographer and told her it was time and she headed over as well. Nick watched me for a few contractions and decided it was time to set up the birthing tub. I was feeling so wonderful at this time. Contractions were consistent but not painful at this point. I lit all my candles and began rocking on my yoga ball. 

       A few minutes later, I felt a huge gush and knew it had to be the rest of my water breaking. I went to the bathroom to clean myself up again and as I wiped, I noticed something wrong with my water. I called my mom into the bathroom and asked her to check the toilet. My water was green and I didn't know what was going on. Contractions were getting a little more intense at this point and I asked nick to call Justine and tell her my water was green. As he was on the phone with her, I immediately heard her tell him that I had meconium and we needed to go to the hospital. My heart sunk. I instantly began crying and begging not to go. I didn't want a cesarean. I didn't want to be strapped to monitors. I didn't want to leave Elliana at home and I didn't want an epidural. I was so scared of everything that was about to happen. I couldn't control myself. I couldn't stop crying. This isn't how it was suppose to happen. All my candles were lit, the birth tub was set up. My house was clean. I was suppose to have this baby in this perfect way like I had planned. My heart was broken but I knew I needed to listen to my midwife. I trusted her with my babies lives and knew if she thought our baby was stressed out that going to the hospital was our best option. Thank god my two girlfriends were still at our house and stayed there as Elliana slept. 

       On our way to the hospital my contractions were getting closer together and harder to handle. I kept breathing through each one but I was so scared that something was wrong with my sweet belly baby that I couldn't pull myself together. I was a mess. I was freaking out about being in a hospital. Freaking out that my baby wasn't doing well in my belly and freaking out about not having Elliana with us. (She has never been away from us for longer than a few hours) When we got to the emergency room and the charge nurse took us up to labor and delivery. (This is where my mind blacked out) I only remember parts of everything after getting checked in. 

       The hospital was completely packed and they didn't have a room for me so we ended up in a closed down waiting room. My contractions were intense by the time my midwife got there and she recommend me letting the nurse check my dilation. I agreed and I was at 5cm. The baby at this point wasn't doing well. They needed to get an IV in me to see if baby's heartbeat would start going up and as the nurse gave me my IV, she blew my vein. She was trying to give me an IV in the midst of crazy contractions and I was pissed about it. Once she blew my vein I begged for an epidural. Contractions on top of each other, a nurse poking me like she had never administered an IV before and my baby who wasn't happy in my belly. Justine told the nurses that they needed to hurry and get me on oxygen because the baby was not doing well. Nick and I at this point were begging for our baby's life. We were so scared. Within minutes the baby's heart rate dropped to 37 and the room started to panic. My midwife was advising all the nurses that the baby needed to come out. I was begging for them to get the baby out because I knew my baby was not safe. For 6 whole minutes, our baby's heart rate stayed at 37. The room was terrified. They rushed me to the OR for an emergency c section (I still didn't have an epidural so they were going to have to put me under completely.) 

       It took 10 minutes to get me moved onto the operating table, nick to get scrubs on and the dr. to rush in and get ready to scrub. As the dr. came in the room I was pushing. He lifted my gown, saw me pushing and told me that I needed to get this baby out immediately. I went from 6cm to 10cm and complete in 10 minutes. 

       I pushed two crazy intense times and nick began crying and telling me that "it's a boy!" Noah Jaymes Chavez was here and screaming for the world to know it. The NICU took him to the other side of the room to make sure his lungs were clear of meconium and then nick brought our sweet boy over to my chest. The tears began flowing! Our boy was here and safe. He was healthy, crying and looking for his mama! Our panic and terrified feelings subsided as we kissed all over our new boy.

       I couldn't believe that he was here, naturally, vaginally, no drugs and in a hospital. That was such a fear of mine. I knew that being in the hospital I would want drugs and the fact that they didn't get there fast enough was a blessing in disguise. Our boy knew he needed out, and he also must have known that his mama is afraid of large needles! He made his way out. He scared the hell out of us but he was here. 

       I knew I couldn't stay in the hospital. I wanted to be home with our big baby girl and new little boy. We checked ourselves out of the hospital within a few hours of having Noah and headed home. The hospital wasn't happy but I knew I needed to be home. 

       Walking into our house was a rough moment for me because our house was still set up for our perfect home birth but I learned so much from the experience. It humbled me and made me realize that no matter how much you plan for something, no matter how much you think everything is going to be perfect or "that will never happen to me" it does. Stuff happens and there clearly is no way to tell how your baby will decide to make their way into this world but this was Noah's way. I am so grateful for a Justine and having a midwife that we trusted so much. I'm so thankful for having hospitals because of reasons like this. Home births are incredible and I had such an amazing experience with Elliana's home birth but this is why we have hospitals. 

       Everyday I think about Noah's birth and how scared we were and how I didn't want to be at the hospital but I stop and look at my sweet boy and remind myself that he is here and he is alive. All the other nonsense of how he came into this world doesn't matter to me anymore. He is here and we are in love. 

         Enjoy the sneak peak of our pictures ❤️ 

                 {Loving Touch Photography}
                         {Justina Engen} 


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