Surrendering.

       Tonight as I sit up and write I'm lost. I'm lost as far as where to begin. Life has been everything but calm lately and it's bitter sweet for me. I'm feeling overwhelmed, crazy busy, tired, happy, loved but also lonely. I'm not exactly sure how I can feel all of these emotions at once but I certainly am...the holidays had us running all over the place (I've realized that's what happens once you have a baby and a family). The new year has brought craziness like you wouldn't believe and I feel like I have neglected my blog which in turn has made me build up all these emotions instead of releasing them in this cyber world for you all to read :) 

1) exhausted - I need to sleep for an entire day to catch up but clearly that's not possible with a now toddler running around all day long. Who by the way is trying to cut napping completely out of her schedule... 

2) happy - Ellie is now 17 months old! I cannot believe that I have an almost 1 1/2 year old!! So insane! She is the most incredible thing to ever come into my life. She is running, talking up a storm, using the toilet on a daily basis, nursing like a champ, and bossing me and her daddy around all day long! We love our sassy little rascal!

3) lonely - I miss my mom. End of story. I wish she lived closer. I wish we saw her more than once a month. There is just something about her being in town that makes me feel at peace. Eventually we will live in the same town, until then I will have to be content with FaceTime. 

4) loved - Nicholas Jaymes continues to love me unconditionally even on days when I'm a brat. He is the most caring playful charming daddy I could have ever hand picked to father our child. To watch him grow as a dad everyday with elliana is the greatest thing I will ever witness and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him watching him father many more of our babies!

5) accomplished - I started running a few weeks ago and have been amazed that I have stuck with it. I hate it before I go for a run but by the time I finish I feel like I have just completed the Olympics. I have reached more personal goals in the past few weeks as far as health and nutrition go and I am thrilled about it. My goal in 2014 is to train for a marathon. I might not run it by the end of the year but I will definitely begin training this year! A half marathon will definitely be completed by me by the end of 2014 though! 

6) here comes the bitter sweet part - I have had a very heavy heart lately and i can't exactly put my finger on it in order to try mending it. It frustrates me when I don't know why I'm upset or what has happened that has made my heart feel so heavy but in the last two days it has been bad. Tonight I laid in bed nursing elliana, staring at her little curls in the dark, tickling her back and watching her eyes grow heavy to sleep and I realized... I'm done fighting this feeling...I'm surrendering all of these negative thoughts. All of my unknown heartache. All of these negative emotions. White flagged raised. I am handing all of this over to god and letting him sort it out. It's obviously too much for me because I haven't been able to figure it out so I'm done trying. There it is. I have too much to be grateful for to let negative feelings take over my day. Too many beautiful people that love me. Too many cute toddler smiles that make me laugh everyday and an incredible fiancé who loves me more and more than I probably deserve at some points. This life is too short for all that nonsense. I love you guys and hope you go to bed tonight thankful for the people and babies you have in your life that make you smile! 

Xo,

NursingBlissSleeplessMama

                                     Here are some pictures from our crazy life lately :))

                                            

                         

             

                       

                                     

(Found this on nicks phone from a few mornings ago and it melts my heart every time I look at it. Who knew someone could ever love another person this much && how could I not be beyond grateful!)  

A Full Heart

       As I sit here tonight and write, I cannot help but to have a full heart. My heart is full of happiness, love, friends, babies, lots and lots of babies, but most of all assurance. My heart is full of all things that make me sit back and say, "things are going exactly the way they are suppose to". We all have those days that we question ourselves, we question our ability as a mother, as a spouse, as a daughter, and even as a friend, but when my heart feels as happy as it does tonight, 

I feel assured that I am doing something right.

       I have been thinking a lot lately about friends and why friendships change so much once babies come along. It is a very bitter sweet situation. I have friends that have been in my life for close to 16 years and we still talk on a weekly basis. Elliana knows and loves these friends, and friendships like those are the ones that I want my Ellie girl to grow up knowing exist. 

       My mama friends. My mama tribe. My everyday, go to girls. Literally everyday. We have running text messages that make Nick laugh every time he hears my text beep go off 30 times in 5 minutes. He knows who I am talking to and doesn't even ask what we are talking about. He knows it has something to do with birthing, breastfeeding, how many times our kids have pooped that day, or funny things our kids said or did that day. This relationship is something that was fast growing and becomes more and more tight knit everyday. We get each other. We understand that what works for my family might not work for theirs, we understand that we all do certain things to calm our babies, or say certain things that the other one might not, but the most amazing thing about these mamas, is that it doesn't matter how much we do things the same of how differently we may be raising our families, we don't feel the need to judge each other. 

       I feel like that is one of the hardest parts about becoming a mother, dealing with harsh words from other mothers, from people who don't have kids. family, or pre-baby friends. It's like a jungle full of mama bears all roaring to protect their young, except that's not how it has to be. Whether you breastfeed and I bottle feed, whats the most important thing? The fact that our babies are fed. Whether you bed-share and I put my baby in a crib, our babies are well rested. You had a hospital birth and I had a home birth, our babies are healthy and happy so who cares how they came into this crazy beautiful world. We both love our babies and are raising them to be stand up humans of society. We are doing this the best way we know how to, and that in itself makes us 

incredible mothers. 

       Whether friendships began years and years ago or they started once you began having babies, cherish them. Even if you don't talk to those certain friends near as often as you'd like, or don't have much of a relationship anymore, realize that you were friends at one time and that friendship shaped the person you have become today. Whether it taught you how to let go or how to love, it taught you something. Everyone has come into my life at exactly the right moment, and the same has happened with people leaving my life. There are certain friends that were "pre-baby friends" but that doesn't mean I love them any less, it just means that they no longer fit into my mama puzzle. Life is short so surround yourself with people who you enjoy being around and who make you a better version of yourself, a more patient mother, a more loving spouse, and a more creative you. 

Xo,

NursingBlissSleeplessMama

15 Glorious Months

       As I sit and stare at my beautiful baby sleeping, I cannot wrap my head around the fact that she is 15 months old today. I look at her on a daily basis and I am mesmerized by the beautiful little rascal she is becoming. She is so observant and interested in everything we do and it makes my heart so happy to know that she is learning by watching Nick and I ! To know that we are not only responsible for her health and well being daily, but responsible for the young lady and woman she will one day become. 

                I sit and wonder, who will she be...will she love sports? will she love make up? will she want to be a scientist? a famous movie star? what will she dream of?! All of this runs through my head and all I can think about is how much I want her to enjoy life. I wish upon all the stars that she is obsessed with learning. That she laughs everyday. That she loves herself. That she finds happiness in everything she does, and she never lets her dreams fade. 

      I am so beyond blessed by the life I have been given! To be given a life where I can enjoy watching this little human grow and learn every single day just makes me think about how this is all I ever wanted. I have always wanted to be a mommy. My earliest memories were carrying around a baby doll all day everyday and it didn't take long to master the baby on my hip carry. Whenever babies were around I was happy. Now I wake up with my own little girl staring in my eyes and needing me, such bliss.

      I cannot thank Nicholas enough for working so hard and allowing me to stay home and be the mommy I've always dreamed of being. To be able to sit at home and watch her grow, dream with her, & explore with her, so priceless. 15 months of motherhood has been the greatest time of my life and I am so excited about the next few months. She is growing like crazy, talking up a storm, running everywhere, nursing like a champ and laughing at everything! Clearly I am loving this age and I know it's only going to get better! 

Enjoy every minute mamas, it's goes too fast!

Xo,

NursingBlissSleeplessMama

No More Sick Days!

       If you knew me before I had Elliana, you would know that I was a big ol' whiny baby! When I was sick, I needed my mama! When it was that time of the month, I stayed home from school because my cramps were TOOOO bad to move. If I stubbed my toe, you would hear about it for a month and so on and so forth! 

Man how things have changed! 

       When I first told my mom I wanted to do a home birth she laughed because she knew how I was, and she was convinced I wouldn't last through a natural labor. Everything changed once I set my mind to it! As most of you know I WAS able to birth Elliana naturally at home, and it was the greatest accomplishment I have ever experienced! Since that day, complaining in pain is almost non existent from me. I know that if I could handle 31 hours of labor with no drugs, then complaining of a little cold is not allowed in my mind.

   

       This little cold is what we have been dealing with for the past week and a half and I AM SO SICK OF IT!!!! Not that I'm in pain or anything but its just obnoxious and needs to kick rocks! Being a mommy is a 24 hour job with no weekends off! Being sick does not mean I get to stay in bed all day like I use to loveeee! Even though I try to keep her in bed with me all day, now that she is mobile it doesn't work so well. She runs around wild if I don't get out of bed! (but days that I'm not sick she wants to stay in bed and nurse allll day! funny how that works!)

      Hot tea, lots of vitamins and warm baths have been helping so far but it seems like as soon as I feel better I get out and run errands and then I get even worse the next day! Soooo I guess I will have to bring my pillow and blanket out in the living room and entertain Elliana from there! Hopefully she doesn't catch this nasty cold and I get better soon!

       So long sick days where I lay in bed all day and have my mama wait on me...now its my turn to be mama and I wouldn't have it any other way! 

Xo, 

NursingBlissSleeplessMama

Lillebaby Review

At the beginning of this month, The Babywearing World Record Setting was held at the Los Angeles Convention Center. I participated on Team lillebaby and it was incredible to meet such amazing mommies, bloggers, babies and more! I had never tried a lillebaby carrier before and honestly I was nervous because soft structured carriers (SSC) have never been my first or favorite choice to wear Elliana in. I have never been a huge fan of for a few reasons, 

             1) In order to get it tight enough on my hips it makes for some pretty sexy muffin top action which I'm not too fond of.
               2) They take me longer for to buckle up and get her in then my favorite go-to carrier, which is my ring sling! 

       

       When my favorite mommy blogger Emily from ((www.familylifeinlv.com)) asked me be on team lillebaby with her I decided to put all of my thoughts and opinions of SSC's away and go into this with an open mind. I was nervous to do a review because I was scared 

"What if I don't like it?" 

"How do I review a product I don't like?"

( I really didn't think I would LOVE it and boy was I wrong!)

       AS SOON as I buckled the lillebaby around my hips and got Elliana positioned into it I was instantly IN LOVE! There were no love handles hanging over the sides, no digging under my armpits, the weight was SOOO evenly distributed, and best of all, nursing in it was so incredibly easy! I was sold! Everything about it was so amazing compared to previous SSC's that I have worn Elliana in.      

Emily & I wearing our littles in our lillebaby carriers

TEAM LILLEBABY

Nursing made easy!
                                

        I wore Elliana in my new lillebaby for over 3 hours straight and I had absolutely NO back pain. My favorite thing about the lillebaby is the padded back piece! Right where the buckle strap sits on my tailbone I always get sore after about an hour, but lillebaby has mastered this! The pad sits directly on my tailbone and it was like I couldn't even tell that I was wearing my over 20 lb baby!        

Padded back 

       After Elliana slept for 2 hours in the lillebaby she was ready to get down and run around but I wasn't ready to take my new carrier off, so I stole my niece and wore her for awhile! Baby L was 12 weeks at the time and weighed about 10 lbs. Normally in an SSC with a baby that small you need an infant insert in order to properly wear the baby. Not with the lillebaby! No infant insert necessary! I was absolutely shocked at how comfortably snug Baby L was! There was no way she was sliding out the sides or going anywhere for that matter! She was so happy and stayed content in the lillebaby for over an hour!        

       

       Like I said I was so nervous when I agreed to do a review on this carrier because of my previous thoughts of SSC's have never been anything extremely positive, but the lillebaby has completely proved me wrong! Ever since I got home from the record setting I have used my lillebaby for every outting!!! I never thought I'd find a carrier that one-upped my ring sling but lillebaby has done just that!! I love my lillebaby carrier and I recommend it to every parent interested in wearing their baby. 

       - This carrier has a padded head piece that can be folded down when baby is awake so they 

          can look around, or it can be buckled up to support their head when they are asleep.

                               

               

       - There is a removable hood attatched to the carrier which I love because of the fact that you

         can completely remove it and no other SSC that I have used has a removable one (I find

          hoods to be annoying and get in my way so I'm glad I have the option of taking it off)

- Weight range for lillebaby carrier: 7-45 lbs.

       - Baby can be worn in 4 different positions: 

        1) Facing In
            2) Facing Out
          3) Hip Carry
             4) Back Carry

       I highly recommend this carrier and wish I could give every parent one because I am sooo certain you will love it as much as I do!

       Lillebaby has so graciously given me a coupon code for all of you mommies and daddies reading this who want to buy a lillebaby for yourself! I promise you will not regret this purchase! 

   20% off code: 

NursingBlissSleeplessMama

valid until 11/30/13

((www.lillebaby.com))

((By the way, we helped set the Babywearing World Record with a total of 1,003 mommies wearing their babies!!!))

Xo, 

       NursingBlissSleeplessMama

4th Trimester Bodies Project

       Last weekend, my mom, grandma, sister in law and myself tastefully bared our post baby bodies in front of the beautifully talented Ashlee Wells Jackson. Ashlee is the founder of the 4th trimester bodies project which is a fabulous movement opening the eyes of mothers and society about our bodies looking different after we have housed a baby for 9 months, nourished that baby by breastfeeding, and just everyday mothering. To be able to experience such love in one room and to feel like a model while nursing my baby, strutting around the hotel room in my bra and panties was so heartwarming. 

       First we got our hair and makeup done, we laughed, visited, nursed our babies, talked about life, birth and everything in between. We did a short interview with Ashlee about our birth or pregnancy experience as well as reasons why we wanted to participate in the project. My reasons were simple, I want women and mothers everywhere to realize that our bodies are incredible! Going through an amazing pregnancy and and even more amazing home birth I have so much respect for what my body is capable of.  To be able to solely nourish my growing newborn baby with milk made by ME! That fact still fascinates me 14 months later! To be able to calm my baby down by the sound of my voice or the touch of my skin is an incredible feeling and nothing in the world beats that motherly love! 

       Ashlee was such an inspiration to us and the photos along with the memories from that day will forever be in our hearts. Go check out the work Ashlee is doing with the 4th trimester bodies project (she has a Facebook page as well as an Instagram) and if she is in a town near you, you should definitely participate! 

Xo,

NursingBlissSleeplessMama

       

                         

        

         

          

         

After baby body

       40 weeks...thats how long it takes our body to grow a baby. Sometimes it's a week or two longer or shorter but around 40 weeks, 9 months. 9 short months if you think about what your body is going through during that time. An entire little human has been growing and living in your body in those 9 months so to think that body after baby will look the same is just crazy and unrealistic. I was the person that thought my body after baby would look pretty much the same...boy was I wrong! Extra weight, skin, dimples, stretch marks and all of the above. Sounds horrifying but when you get to stare into the eyes of your brand new baby everyday, the post baby body is all worth it. 

       I thought "oh I'm gonna breastfeed, I'll get skinny in no time!" Yes, breastfeeding helps you lose weight but not in the fast way that I was expecting. Before I got pregnant I was crazy about my weight! I was always trying some crazy diet or diet pills or just basically not eating because that will make me skinny right?! Wrong! I got skinny for a few months and then gained it all back plus more! So when elliana was 6 months old and I was still 60 lbs above pre pregnancy weight I had a really hard time wrapping my head around that fact! Since I was still exclusively breastfeeding I had to eat to keep up my milk supply so starving myself wasn't an option. I started following a bunch of fitness IG pages for inspiration and it was wonderful! The problem with those IG pages for me was the fact that most of them didn't have kids or weren't nursing so they could go to the gym whenever they wanted. I couldn't do that because I couldn't take elliana. I was stuck! I tried eating healthy but always blew it after a few days!

       Finally I came across an IG account that has been so incredible for my motivation and support in more than just my weight loss! @Ourknightlife is a mommy raising her family in Vegas and blogs about all things mommy! Breastfeeding, cloth diapering, Babywearing && WEIGHT LOSS! I watched @ourknightlife go through 1 round of whole30 and then a few weeks later when she was  about to start her 2nd round I decided it was time for me to buckle down and starting eating healthy!! The first few days were exhausting and the sugar cravings were going to kill me (or so I thought) after the first week, I was hooked. I loved how I felt, how my clothes fit, and all the different foods I could still eat while not feeling guilty. After my first round of whole30, I had lost almost 15 pounds and felt like a completely new person! My pre pregnancy clothes were beginning to fit, my energy level was through the roof, and my confidence was beginning to shine once again!

       I was so stoked about this small transformation that I began round 2 of this paleo lifestyle! My second round was a little bit more difficult, but my results were just as amazing! I stuck through the 30 days and lost another 12-15 lbs! In 8 short weeks I dropped almost 30 lbs and really am a whole new person. I actually like taking pictures with nick and Ellie now, I enjoy eating sweets as a treat every once in awhile instead of on a daily basis, I like seeing myself naked instead of refusing to look in the mirror on my way to the shower. Since I finished my second round I have begun doing paleo throughout the week and usually take the weekends to get my cravings fulfilled. I tried not to overdo it, but come Monday morning I'm always back on the paleo bandwagon! 

((***stay tuned for my post about my photo shoot with Ashlee from THE 4TH TRIMESTER BODIES PROJECT))

       

                                                                  June 6 - July 6

                          

                                                                 July - August 

         

                                                                    June - August